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You Are Enough! Exiting the Graveyard of Self-Doubt

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He swallowed his Agwaka in one big gulp, and looking away from the seller, asked for a refill. With tightly shut eyelids, he emptied the second mug into his thirsty belly and then demanded a third. Three was his superstitious representation of a full minimum. As he thumped the mug back on the plastic table, he let out a loud burp — an appreciation of the potency of Akooti’s local brew.

Amid a second burp, he paid up, picked up his walking stick, and headed to address the village elders concerning his daughter’s upcoming traditional wedding. In Agwaka he trusted. In it, he found the confidence to dare things otherwise too scary for him. Things like addressing a gathering, flirting with the overly confident Akooti women, or confronting a neighbour over a land dispute.

Agwaka’s potency flooded him with the right amounts of dopamine. Unlike the ‘weakling’ he was when sober, under the influence of Agwaka, he felt confident and powerful. His was a classic case of finding confidence in things external, while fully in doubt of all he was, internally …something we all do, at varying degrees of frequency.

Of first love, and being a believer

It is strange how love is emphasised, yet with every emphasis, it is almost always 99.9% loving another. Loving self is sometimes touted as selfish, prideful, full of self, and all other metaphors that may go with it. The main antidote to people’s obsession with being loved is to obsessively fall in love with themselves. NO ONE CAN GIVE YOU THE LOVE YOU SHOULD GIVE YOURSELF.

Even the good book, somewhere between Genesis and Revelation, has implied a commandment that goes something like, ‘before you can learn how to love your neighbour, thou shall (first) love thyself.’ My point? Be your first love. Have a crush on yourself. BECOME A BELIEVER; A STRONG BELIEVER IN YOU. Because the only way that anyone achieved their dreams, was through believing in themselves, their abilities to achieve their dreams, and their being worthy of their dreams. Anything less of that, and the best of dreams may forever remain a fantasy.

Be your first love. Have a crush on yourself. Click To Tweet

As a strong proponent of imagination — creating pictures of the dreams I hold dear — I say this; It is okay to build castles in the air. As long as such mental construction work is immediately followed by a deep dive into self, and placement of foundations for such castles.  An important pillar here is this that you truly believe that you are worthy of a castle!

You cannot build much with your eyes looking up for the validation of others, afraid that one better than you may beat you at building, afraid that you cannot build anything praiseworthy, wondering whether anyone will want to live in or on something built by you. It is time to turn that around and validate yourself. Qualify yourself as worthy. Then, and only then, can you be qualified to pursue worthy goals and live wholeheartedly!

Living wholeheartedly

Reflecting on my last article on embracing vulnerability, it dawned on me that one cannot flex their vulnerability muscles through the 5 ways highlighted unless they have a healthy sense of worth. So I dug deeper into the works of Brené Brown, the world-renowned researcher in matters of courage, vulnerability, and empathy. What stood out was; for us to be able to live courageously, even in the face of things that make us vulnerable, we have to embrace the idea of wholehearted living. She writes;

“Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I AM ENOUGH”

When the ‘I AM ENOUGH’ mantra gets massively embraced and fully integrated into our daily thoughts, toil and interactions, then we can be sure to operate from a higher pedestal. A pedestal where the surrounding chaos, little dramas, and sometimes inevitable disappointments and failures don’t get us doubting ourselves; the core of who we really are.

The ‘I AM ENOUGH’ space is a place where we don’t go for things and experiences to get value and some sense of worth and validation, but rather gather things and get experiences because we are of value and worthy of them, even when no external validation to that effect comes our way. And when the shifts of life happen, and we are stripped of earlier fortunes, we can still hold on to the mantra;

‘I AM ENOUGH’

You are enough, just as you are

Believing that you are enough elevates you to a space where you no longer get into a place wondering if you measure up, and second-guessing your ability to turn around undesirable conditions. Believing you are enough elevates you to a place of living authentically, which is, embracing your faults, owning your imperfections, celebrating your failures, while letting go of what others think. This is the way to cultivate real connections with people, leading to a sense of being accepted by self and others, rather than the shallower idea of fitting in. Live authentically. Because …

YOU ARE ENOUGH!

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Steve Muthusi is the author of Stir Up Your Potential


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