- March 12, 2021
Dear young girl,
When I was your age, I longed for someone to teach me the secrets of womanhood. I waited in vain. And so in this letter, I brief you on what I had to learn the hard way. Hopefully, unlike me, you’ll have a reference point on some of the topics that are rarely discussed.
You are a gem
I know you’ve already gone through some bad breaks. I understand how bad your young heart hurts when you’ve been doubted, abused, or completely ignored. I can feel the doubts that linger in your heart. I resonate with your struggle to project a particular image of who you are to fit in and meet your family expectation. I can feel your self-esteem dwindle every time your intelligence or beauty is questioned.
I can also see how badly you want to prove yourself, to make a statement and let them know your thoughts, but you choose to shut up because you don’t know how to express the anger, pain, and mixed feelings that haunt your conscience.
Sweetheart, cry it out if you must. Pray over it if you are religious. Talk to someone you can trust. Let not these feelings of inadequacy eat you up. If not taken care of, the bad experiences will shatter your esteem into pieces. We don’t want that because it will push you into seeking validation in all the wrong places.
Remember that you are a gem. One in a million. No one like you has set foot on this planet. You are a masterpiece. Let no person or circumstance convince you otherwise.
Forgive yourself. Let go of the anger. Take charge of your life. Know that every choice you make today has a bearing on the future you claim you want. So really, be in touch with who you are.
Make it a habit to sit with yourself often to better understand what you want to accomplish. Write down your values and your wildest dreams. Have a clear picture of the people you want to be around, the things you want to do, and the life you want to live (I know this may sound too much at your age, but it’s important). Have such a vivid description that you can literally visual your life in your mind.
With a clear picture of who you are and what you want, you’ll spend less time pursuing things and people that don’t align with the future you want. Trust me; it will save you a lot of energy. Find what makes you tick and relentlessly pursue it.
Since time immemorial, women have been underestimated, downplayed, and assigned inferior positions because of the mere fact that they are women. You’ll experience this quite often. Let it not dull your spirit. Go forth and conquer anyway.
Some people will ridicule you for your tough choices. Others will make degrading comments to shatter your spirit. A good number will laugh out loud through your struggles. You’ll be labelled- a lot.
When this happens, always remember the naysayers can’t match a quarter of the woman you are becoming. They are so afraid of your potential that they’ll do anything humanly possible to discourage you.
Let them doubt your abilities. You are the only one who knows the fire within. So, fan the sparks until the fire razes the hate to the ground.
Opportunities are everywhere. Some will come right at your doorstep. For a good number, you’ll have to step out and knock on doors. Do not be afraid to do so. In fact, every time your mind plays a trick on you that an opportunity is too big, or the process too complicated, take that as a sign to do it. Prove yourself wrong. Whether you succeed or not, at the very least you’ll have challenged yourself.
You are the main character in your life. The least you can do is direct the play that is your life. So, take an active role and pursue the life you want. Ask questions and speak up. No one is going to fulfil your life’s purpose for you except you.
You have everything, and I mean everything it takes to accomplish your goals and live life to the fullest.
Choose your relationships wisely
Remember when I highlighted earlier that’s it’s important to find yourself? Knowing who you are and being grounded in your identity will help you make informed choices about relationships.
Before you rush into a relationship, ask yourself what value it will add to your vision? Where in the picture of the life you want does the potential boyfriend fit in? Chances are, as young as you are, they don’t fit anywhere. But peer pressure and your hormones will tell you otherwise.
In the hope of fixing your insecurities, you’ll jump into a relationship to experiment, have fun or perhaps find true love.
There are chances that your love life will be bliss with the first person you meet. Perhaps, you might end up in marriage. But there are also high chances that you’ll soon be balancing tears. If you are not careful, you’ll be on a roller coaster of one heartbreak after another, which isn’t good for your soul.
These bad relationship experiences will convince you that men are no good. That happy fulling relationships are elusive, just like true love. I don’t blame you. Apart from your disappointment, a dozen others are crying foul.
Nevertheless, I want to tell you that there are amazing men out there. True love exists, relationships thrive, and marriages work. Don’t talk yourself out of finding the right person because you made wrong choices earlier.
In the meantime, find the happiness you are looking for in relationships within yourself. Love yourself. Be content with who you are before dragging someone else into your life. You are enough just as you are.
Happy women’s month!
The guidance you never thought you needed.
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