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You Don’t Have to Feel Brave and Confident to Build the Life of Your Dreams

Photo by Danielle MacInnes on Unsplash

How often do you find yourself just wishing you didn’t have the emotions that got in the way of getting what you want?

You wish you didn’t feel afraid. You wish you didn’t have doubts about yourself. You picture this perfect scenario where you walk through life with ease, getting what you want without having any of those negative emotions get in your way.

But, they do get in your way. And you spend a ton of energy wishing things weren’t the way they are at the moment — wishing you weren’t the way you are at the moment.

You want to skip the steps where you have to face all of those emotions, but it’s impossible. If you want to be brave, you will first have to be afraid. If you want to be confident, you will first have to fear doubt. If you want to be a winner, you will first have to be a loser.

So what’s the difference between the people who succeed and the ones who don’t? There’s no magic answer. There never is. But there are always these little angles. I’ve been thinking about these for years, giving them to you constantly, in the hopes that one of them gives you the edge you’re looking for.

In this case, I have specific insight on how to deal with your negative emotions. Have you ever thought about just accepting them? Instead of trying to mentally jack yourself up to feel like doing something, you could just do it while feeling bad at the same time.

You could take the steps to build your business without feeling confident at all. You could work on socializing with others while feeling awkward the whole time. You could go to the gym and feel like a lost cause yet make your body do the motions required to get in shape.

You don’t have to feel amazing all the time to get things done.

Maybe it’s a product of Western Culture, but our society has this idea that you’re supposed to feel good all the time. You’re made to feel like something is wrong with you if you don’t feel good. This makes you shy away from all the opportunities in your life that you have to feel like garbage for a little while to succeed at.

Maybe, for a period of your life, instead of just focusing super hard on feeling happy and confident with no basis in merit, you work on yourself whether or not you really feel like it. Maybe you remove the need to feel inspired to do the work and you just do it. Or, not.

It’s interesting. You’re sort of in a little hell of your own, either way. You’re already going to feel a little bit disappointed in yourself for avoiding the things you know you really want to do. That will sit with you for the rest of your life.

On the other hand, you can feel negative emotions upfront by challenging yourself, and you at least have the possibility of coming out of the other side with a real identity change for the better.

Putting off all your goals and dreams hurts slowly and cumulatively. Going through fear and self-doubt on the path to a better life tends to hurt harshly and upfront, but it doesn’t linger like that low-level anxiety people get from making tiny concessions every single day of their life.

You know this deep down. You know that ‘ripping the band-aid’ is the better option. So, why don’t you do it?

Well, you don’t do it for the same reason you don’t rip an actual band-aid. As soon as you tug it, that split second of the anticipation of pain keeps you from doing it.

Thing is, you won’t actually feel as afraid while you’re in the process of doing something you’re afraid of. The anticipation is almost always worse than the reality. Yet, it’s still hard to just yank it, isn’t it?

I stopped making outlandish and hyperbolic promises about personal development a long time ago. Truth is, most people will constantly find themselves in a position where they hesitate right before pulling the trigger. I can’t tell you the exact moment where you’ll be ready, but I’d encourage you to just simmer on this idea for a while.

It’s okay to not feel brave, confident, and bold. You don’t need those traits to start. You just need to start. Emotions are just physiological responses your body makes because you’re wired to always be afraid and negative.

Your thoughts and mental chatter, filled with self-doubt, are just going to kinda sorta always be there. Maybe it’s not such a bad thing that they’re there at all. Maybe you can just live with them and do what you want to do anyway.

The more you start to do the things you know you need to do in spite of how you feel, the easier it is to keep doing it. It’s not even that you get desensitized to the feelings. You accept them. You come to realize that there is no such thing as this perfect human being that doesn’t feel a bit of trepidation before doing something important.

Hell, you may even come to appreciate your self-doubts over time. Because, without them, you don’t have anything to conquer, do you? Is success where you just glide to the top without ever feeling anything negative at all something to even be proud of?

Confidence is great. You need it. You don’t want to live in a constant state of doubt. You do want to believe in yourself more and more over time. But you don’t even need to come close to perfection to be successful.

Think of something you’ve been putting off doing because you’re afraid, feel doubt, or you’ve just been procrastinating. Do it regardless of how you feel. Then, see how you feel afterwards. I bet you’ll feel really good.

Also read: You Can Either Act Now, Or Continue to Live in Fear

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